The Shit List

  • 1 Ply Toliet Paper
  • 90210
  • A Bad Haircut
  • A Bad Restaurant
  • A Booger hanging from your nose
  • A Cheating Husband
  • A Cold
  • A Dirty or Messy House
  • A Game or Concert that has Been Canceled or Postponed
  • A Leaky Roof
  • A Loud Muffler
  • A Nagging Wife
  • A Person That Gets Thier Feelings Hurt Too Easily
  • A plugged toilet
  • A splinter
  • A Stinky Bathroom
  • A Storm
  • Alarm Clocks
  • Alergies
  • Animal Abusers
  • Animal Abusers
  • Animal Control
  • Anything That Can't Be Repaired
  • Anything That Needs Repair
  • Attorneys
  • Authorites telling you what to do
  • Babies with a dirty diaper
  • Bad Breath
  • Bad Wine
  • Banks
  • Batteries
  • Bills
  • Billy Mays
  • Blister Packs That Are Hard To Open
  • Bosses that are bullies
  • Breast Enhancement Commercials
  • Britney Spears
  • Bullies
  • Bureaucrats
  • Cable Guy
  • Calling the utility companies for "help"
  • Car Search of Elgin Illinois
  • Cat Spraying
  • Censorship
  • Changing your Clock for Time Change or Power Outage
  • Charlie Brown (Politician)
  • Clothes That Do Not Fit
  • Cold Coffee
  • Conceded People
  • Condoms
  • Congress
  • Constipation
  • Crapping your pants
  • Credit Cards
  • Dandruff
  • Deep Snow
  • Dentist
  • Depressed People
  • Dirty Laundry
  • DMV
  • Dog Barking
  • Dog Vomit
  • Dr Phil
  • Drivers that Cut You Off
  • Drivers that do not use their blinkers
  • Drivers who do not Dim their Lights when they are near another car
  • Drivers who do not turn on their headlights when its raining
  • Ex wifes husband
  • Ex-Spouses
  • Excessive Packing Material
  • Fanny Packs
  • Farts
  • Fleas
  • Flys
  • Forrest Fires
  • Funerals
  • Geting a court summons
  • Getting a divorce
  • Getting a DUI
  • Getting A Flat Tire
  • Getting a parking ticket
  • Getting a Ticket
  • Getting caught cheating
  • Getting caught masturbating
  • Getting Into An Accident
  • Getting Locked Out
  • Getting Lost
  • Getting Stuck In The Mud
  • Getting your car towed
  • Girls (When a guy pisses on the toilet seat)
  • Going Bankrupt
  • Going to court
  • Going to the Dentist
  • Going to the Doctor
  • Going to Work
  • Gossup Girl
  • Government Jobs
  • Green Christmas
  • Guys (Can't get an Erection)
  • Guys (Getting hit in the Balls)
  • Hard To Follow Instructions
  • Hard To Use WebSites
  • Herpies
  • Hypocondraics
  • Idiots
  • Informercials
  • Insects
  • Instructions Written In A Foreign Language
  • Jessica Simpson
  • Junk Mail
  • Kotex
  • Laxatives
  • Liars
  • Long Lines
  • Losing a Coupon
  • Losing a job
  • Losing your house
  • Loud Bass Boom sounds from car stereos
  • Loud obnoxous music from car
  • Medical Costs
  • Michele Obama
  • Microsoft VISTA
  • Mold and Mildew
  • Mucus
  • My Brother-in-law
  • My Father
  • My Mother
  • My Neighbor
  • My PE teacher
  • My Sister
  • My sister-in-law
  • No Toilet Paper
  • Not Being Able To Find Something
  • Not covering your cough or sneeze
  • Not remembering
  • Only 2 packs of ketchup with a large fry
  • Oprah
  • Oweing Back Taxes
  • Pacific Gas and Electric
  • Packing Peanuts
  • Paris Hilton
  • Paying For Something To Get Rid of It
  • Paying your bill on the automated phone line
  • People Stealing Mail From Your Mailbox
  • People that are late
  • People that cut you off when driving
  • People who borrow and do not return the item borrowed
  • People who do not return messages
  • People whole cancel appointments
  • Pilot lights on electronic devices (like DVD players) that tell you the unit is OFF
  • Pimples
  • Placed on hold on the telephone
  • Poison Oak
  • Politicians
  • Polling Booths
  • Poor Table Manners
  • Power Outage
  • Premature Ejaculation
  • Price of Drugs
  • Price of Food
  • Price of gasoline
  • Prison
  • Prunes
  • Public Speaking
  • Rachel Ray
  • Rap Music
  • Reality Shows
  • Ring around the Collar
  • Rip off products
  • Rotton Movies
  • Running Out Of Something That You Need
  • Sara Palin
  • Shit
  • Skid Marks in your Underwear
  • Skunks
  • Skunks
  • Slick Ice
  • Sloppy Food
  • Smokers
  • Snooring
  • Someone late to an appointment
  • Someone stealing someones ladder
  • Someone walking in, while you are going to the bathroom
  • Someone who promises you something and doesn't go through
  • Something You Sent Gets Lost in The Mail
  • Spam
  • Spiders
  • Spoiled Food
  • Standing in Line
  • Stepping in Dog Shit!
  • Stepping on gum
  • Stinky Odors
  • Stupid Rules and Regulations
  • Tailgaters
  • Takers and Users
  • Tampons
  • Tangeled Hair
  • Taxes
  • Teenagers
  • Teletubbies
  • The Army
  • The Crabs
  • The Economy
  • The Flu
  • The Highway Patrol
  • wordpress Themes
  • The police
  • The Political Party That You Do Not Agree With
  • The State of Alabama
  • The Stock Market
  • This Blog
  • TIFF Decompressor on PS CS2
  • Tom Cruise
  • Tough Meat
  • Traffic Jams
  • TV Commercials Louder Than The Program
  • Twistie Ties
  • UPS Worldship 10 and 11
  • USPS
  • Vacuums that don't suck
  • Waiting
  • Vomit
  • Warm Beer
  • Women (Your Period)
  • Your Brother
  • Your Competitor
  • Your Dog
  • Your Dog Bringing in Mud or Dirt into Your Home
  • Your Dog Pissing on The Carpet
  • Your kids
  • Your plant dieing
  • Your Sister

Monday, February 9, 2009

Comment About Kotex ..

I received the following email.. I found it very amusing:

Hi, You followed me on twitter and I thank you for that. I like your list. It is very funny indeed however....Kotex is on the list of shit that is supposed to be bad and myself being a woman has relied on this product since I was ohh lets say around 13 years old so I would have to disagree on that one. LOL! Kotex is on my list of good stuff. I couldn't imagine life without it. Kotex has always been there for me, each and every month, well except for during pregnancy when I didn't need it. But as soon as I did there it was to do it's job. So let's give Kotex a two thumbs up!! Hurray for KOTEX!!
Most Sincerely,


... Well, if you like to walk around with a diaper between your legs, I'm cool with that! To each their own!

- Dave Malby


David said...

1 ply toilet paper sure does suck, better to just not need it. I think Dr. Oz on Oprah said it best: "if you had pee or poop on your hand, you wouldn't wipe it off with paper, would you? You'd wash it off" If people want to get serious (and cleaner) about the environment then they should get a Bathroom Bidet Sprayer from and you won't even need toilet paper anymore, just a towel to dry off! It's cheap and can be installed without a plumber; and runs off the same water line to your toilet. . You'll probably pay for it in a few months of toilet paper savings. And after using one of these you won't know how you lasted all those years with wadded up handfuls of toilet paper, nasty. Now we're talking green and helping the environment without any pain.

essensu said...

Hey Dave, I have to agree with you on that, however, I was curious how you were able to make such a comment being a man. Ha. Are you trying out women things in your spare time Dave? Some women just don't prefer the other alternative they could be using. Do men feel comfortable talking about this? I guess for a man the thought of Kotex would suck, but you can only imagine.

David said...

I guess maybe I'm what they call a meta-man? Cheers, David

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the follow on Twitter.

You set a high bar for humor. I appreciate a good laugh, but not too good at creating them.

Lou said...

w.... tf...


HadleyJa said...

You spelled conceited wrong. Please don't add me to your shit list.

Anonymous said...

Needing to use a Kotex sure does suck but it sure as heck beats the alternative (like not having that menstrual cycle.) I'd rather wear a diaper every day than to have to change one!

EG said...

Okay, let me get this straight. You feel Kotex sucks. But, so do tampons? I'm just guessing here, being a dude like you, but wouldn't going without either ...suck even more!?

Anonymous said...

Kotex/tampons DO suck! - the alternative? The Diva Cup ( and I have no affiliation whatsoever with this company). I am 42 years old and used tampons for over 25 years. I made the switch about 6 months ago and I have NEVER looked back. There is no more waste, no more expense and no more risk of TSS.

Nochipra said...


Love your list! I didn't see hospital stays on it though? I did a rant about my boyfriends recent hospital stay on my blog He was in there for 10 days and it was terrible and really sucked!

Nora from

P.S. I just followed you back on twitter. See ya there!

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